Hiccups
by Aka Pine
Summary: Hiccups- where two friends are dropped unceremoniously into the One Piece universe. Shameless self- and friend-insertion. Please don't read; it'll fry your brain.
1. Maelstrom and Human Trafficking

_**I beg everyone for forgiveness. I've broken the cardinal rule of fanfiction writing.**_

**_Yes. I inserted myself and a friend. I'm being up front and honest about it, both because you the readers have a right to know, and because I am ashamed at my weak will against some pushy friends (glares at Kitty and Xian). I will understand if no one wants to read this- this is, while serious, somewhat of a crack fic for me that will probably become epic if I keep getting enough ideas and my friends keep poking me to write more and more._**

**_Man, I'm such a hypocrit...._**

**_Okay, don't read this story. If you're looking for crack-free, blood-free, angst-free, humor-free fanfiction, you won't find it here. I would suggest perhaps turning your computer off, and going to your local library and picking up the newest Wall Street Journal and reading that instead of this horrible after-birth of creativity and general randomness with lots and lots of eventual plot._**

**_...why are you still reading this? Shoo! This'll melt your brain and bring down your GPA._**

* * *

Even though Nami had known the storm was coming, she was surprised at the ferocity of it.

They hadn't seen a storm this bad since they first entered the Grand Line. The wind felt like it was close to ripping the skin off the navigator, the rain didn't pour, it was dumped by the barrel-fulls, and lightning danced all too close to the ship- lightning that was more than just the yellow to blue hues one normally saw. Red, black, and green popped up more often as time went on.

She hadn't felt the pressure go down that steeply though...

She mentally slapped herself. This was the Grand Line- what you didn't expect or prepare for could kill you.

"Zoro, Sanji, Franky! Make sure the anchor is strapped in tight! Robin! Keep the wheel steady! Luffy! Pull the sails in! Chopper, Brooke! Make sure the life lines are on EVERYONE and are tight!"

She didn't bother to watch the others as they scurried to obey her, yelling at each other over the din of the storm, keeping in touch with each other as well as going about their tasks.

Nami was already tying herself to the mast, with the rope being long enough for her to move up and down the deck for her navigational duties. As she ran back and forth and sideways along the ship, _trying_ to get their bearings, the others were well on their way to completing their assigned tasks.

She let out a screech when a wave unexpectedly smashed into her, sending her towards the railing of the ship.

A sharp tug on her waist stopped her progress, and she offered a quick, thankful smile to Chopper, who had changed into his more human form.

"Everyone is tied to the life lines Nami," he bellowed over the yowl of the weather.

"Good Chopper! What about the anchor and the sails?" Nami yelled back.

"All done! What do we need to do now?"

Nami pushed her sopping bangs from her face as she gave him a grim look. "We hold on. The nearest port is northwest of here, and it'll take another two days or so to get to it, unless my navigational skills are wrong on that too."

"Everyone makes mistakes Nami! Anyway, what do you want us to do while we wait?"

"Make sure everything stays the way it's supposed to," she said grimly. "Make sure everyone is able to eat and at least rest for an hour or so in turns...and keep an eye on Zoro's life line. That one blade of his...I don't trust it."

"Aye," Chopper nodded, and plodded off through the downpour.

"I hope we can make it even though I screwed up," Nami muttered to herself as she pushed herself towards the wheel to give directions to Robin.

"Idiot marimo. My shirt is ruined."

Zoro felt the familiar tick in his temple at the cook's comment. "Yeah," he drawled as they worked on some of the rigging that had broken during the maelstrom. "Like I could conjure up that thing and specifically tell it to aim that school of lobster at ya."

The swordsman thought it had been rather funny. Towards the end of the storm, the last tidal wave had dumped a large group of lobsters on the chef, which had resulted in Sanji running up and down the deck, yelling obscenities as the little crustaceans grabbed onto him, and wouldn't let go until Luffy had started stuffing them in his mouth. His tongue had been wounded in his attempt to save his nakama, but Luffy had felt it was worth it.

Well, at least they had plenty of lobster in the aquarium now.

"You do have an animal magnetism," Sanji groused, fingertips drifting sadly over his ripped and torn shirt. "You owe me a new one."

"Like hell I do," the swordsman snorted as he tied in the rigging. That was the last one...ah, port! After nearly three sleepless days in that mother of all storms-

"Land ho!" Usopp called from the crow's nest belatedly.

"No shit," Sanji grumbled, slinking back towards the galley, fingers already digging out a cigarette. "At the very least shithead, go and buy the stuff I'll need."

"Get it yerself."

"Can't, Nami-swan wants me to stay behind and help her asses the damage on her trees," Sanji crooned, happy hearts dancing in his eyes as his body wiggled like a noodle.

"Quit that! That's disgusting!"

"Shut up asshole!"

"SANJI! GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE **NOW!**"

"Yes my love! Let me just send the rude idiot on his way." A bag of gold was sent flying at Zoro's head, and it thunked against the swordsman, who managed to growl at Sanji and simultaneously catch the bag before it hit the ground.

"List is inside dumbass," the cook said dismissively as he headed up the stairs and around towards Nami's grove.

Zoro had just enough time to think a few nasty thoughts about the chef before the rest of the Straw Hats came at him.

More like stampeded over him.

Cursing nasty things about their parentage and sexual preferences, Zoro picked himself up and followed after them, though not as quickly. He wanted to go at his own pace damn it. Slow and steady like the turtle...

The fish market passed by at a leisurely pace, along with the market district as the swordsman trotted along. He might have enjoyed the new scenery, but he had something on his mind.

He still couldn't remember how the turtle had won the race. Did it snap the legs off the hare? Did it take a shortcut through water? Or maybe the hare was caught and barbequed and the turtle was able to win?

As the swordsman pondered over this, he passed by the town square where it seemed there was something going on. A large crowd was gathered, chatting excitedly while a large man stood on a platform, hands raised and gesticulating wildly.

"Oi, Zoro," Luffy called, waving him over closer. Usopp and Chopper were with him as well, and while Chopper's face was curious, Usopp...was disturbed it seemed. Nothing new there.

However, Zoro's hackles were raised at the look on his captain's face; something definitely wasn't right. His captain hardly ever looked this somber, and he soon found out why.

"Listen to that guy," Usopp muttered, arms over his chest as he frowned up at the talking man. "Talking about human lives like that!"

"Yes citizens! Wasn't that last bunch beautiful and docile? Perfect for housework or for your bedroom pleasures!" the man boomed, mustache wiggling as he spoke.

Slavery, Zoro thought with a sinking feeling. It wasn't unheard of; after all, there were even rumors that the World Government actually endorsed it secretly. But it was still a bit of a shock to the first mate to see it practiced.

"Now my citizens, a treat for you! These last two, while certainly untamed and wild, are by far more exotic than the rest! I'd tell you how I came into possession of them...but then I wouldn't have anymore trade secrets!"

The crowd laughed. Zoro felt disgust course him. He wanted to walk away, to forget what he was hearing. But he couldn't, and like the other three boys, stood stock still as the man continued.

"For the first one, I'd suggest perhaps the field, or basic grunt work, as she's both strong and stupid. The nice thing about her is that she is so stupid...she can't talk! A perfect slave, wouldn't you agree?"

A roar of laughter from the crowd made Luffy frown, Usopp twitch his long nose in disgust, and Chopper to look confused, and look up at Zoro.

"Ne, Zoro? Why is that funny?"

"It's not," was Zoro's gruff reply as the swordsman continued to glare up at the platform.

"As for the other, even though she lacks hair, she is of a more...gentle disposition. With proper training and discipline, she'd be great around the house or with children eventually!"

An interested murmur near the boys. "Hm, Gaya, don't you think we could use that one with Marcus?"

The woman's answer was drowned out by the mustached man booming out again.

"The only bad thing about this folks is that it's a two for one deal. I wouldn't feel right separating them! They came to me together, and they'll leave together! Now now, I know what you're thinking," he hurried as the crowd muttered darkly. "That you need only one or the other. Well, even though I could sell them apart for more money, I'm willing to sacrifice the profit to make you, my customers, happy! Due to their odd personalities and with certain...skills...lacking, we're starting the bidding much much lower than we would on regular humans!"

"Troublesome slaves," a woman hissed near Luffy's elbow. "They're either lovers or twins then if he doesn't want to go through possible trouble when separating them!"

"Alright Taka, bring 'em out so everyone can get a nice good look at them!" the seller bellowed, smiling as his assistant, a tall muscle-bound man with a leering expression on his face, lumbered onto the stage, a chain in hand as he dragged the women up with him.

Chopper, as well as Luffy, let out horrified cries that went unheard by the rest of the assembly as the slaves were pushed and dragged into view. Usopp must have seen things like this before, Zoro thought idly as he glanced at the long-nosed boy, who was staring stonily up at the auctioneer.

Zoro turned his attention back to the new slaves, tuning out the seller as he started listing various physical assets of both women.

Both were dressed in what he assumed to be simple burlap sacks that were probably coarse enough to leave some patches of their skin red, which the salesman proved by tugging the collar down on one of them to show of the 'fine bone structure'.

One was fine-boned, pale, and as the man had stated, bald. She did seem to exude an air of submission, innocence, and curiosity. Her fear was evident, but she was fighting it down. Her eyes were a refreshing blue, clear and honest. She held her head high; she was showing a pride and confidence in herself that would turn off most buyers, or so Zoro thought. She was slightly taller than her companion, and with the way she held herself, you would almost think that she was also a part of the crowd, interested in what was going on and holding herself up like any other human being. She seemed intelligent, as the man had also stated, and was taking everything in that reminded Zoro the way Sanji looked around in the pantry; taking stock of everything, and making a mental list of what was there, what was rotten, what was needed, and so on and so forth.

The other one...

He'd never really seen a woman before that automatically made him think of 'demon' or 'trouble'. This one, with her scraggly shoulder-length brown hair over half of her face and decidedly more chains around her, was probably the 'wild' one of the two. She was hunched slightly, perhaps under the weight of the chains, and her skin was more dusty brown than anything. Her eyes were the opposite of the other; where as the other slaves' eyes were a clear blue of a calm sea, the wild one's...they were almost black, and though her face was composed into a rather careless look, the eyes...

SHE was dangerous. SHE would be the deal-breaker for sure.

Not because of her strength, Zoro decided. Oh no, nothing that simple or primal.

But because he could tell, just by looking into the one eye that was visible, she was not stupid.

She was intelligent. And she was planning something at the moment.

"Ne, Zoro?" Luffy whispered softly. "Why are they pulling their clothes and stuff to where they're showing off their body parts that you're not supposed to see?"

His captain was right. The bald one blushed and tried to push her clothing back down. The feral one flushed, then snapped at her keeper's hand, her teeth almost crunching onto his hand.

"To show off what they have," Zoro grunted, his blood beginning to boil.

"Why?"

"In case anyone would want to fuck them."

Luffy blinked. "They probably wouldn't like that, would they?"

"No, probably not."

"But it's wrong!"

"You don't think I know that?" Zoro said, rubbing his forehead.

"They're treating those women like cattle! Even worse than that!" Chopper whimpered. "Why do people do this to each other?" The reindeer looked like he was about to cry.

"Because people are lazy, and people are cruel," Usopp jumped in, still not smiling.

"Huh?"

As Usopp launched into a condensed and watered-down explanation of economics and slavery, the bidding had started.

"Who's gonna give me 500? 500500500? SIX! 600600600 do I hear 650? SEVEN! 700700700 EIGHT! Do I hear 9? 900900900-"

"Ne, Zoro?"

"Ah, Luffy?"

"Do something!"

Zoro was about to snap at him before he blinked, and shut his mouth.

Nami had mentioned it would probably take at least three days to get the log post set. This was their first day here. If they caused too much of a commotion, they might have to leave sooner than they planned, or fight a fight that they shouldn't have gotten into.

Sanji was going to kill him, he thought wearily as he pulled out the bag of money.

"900900900900900doIhear950?"

"2,890," Zoro bellowed out.

The crowd hushed, and the salesman was temporarily speechless.

"Zoro!" Usopp hissed, glancing around at the dumbfounded crowd. "What are you doing?!"

Zoro ignored him, and made his way towards the stage.

"Um, excuse me sir, I must have not heard correctly-"

"Two thousand, eight hundred and ninety beli," Zoro said clearly, arms crossed over his chest and giving the salesman and his muscle man a bored look as he stood right in front of the stage.

"And you are...?"

Shit. On one hand, he could lie and save himself and his crew mates some grief. But...from the look on the muscle-head, it might be more trouble if he just made up something on the spot.

"Roronoa Zoro, former Pirate Hunter and currently first mate of the Straw Hat pirates," he droned.

If it had been any other situation, he would have laughed at how quickly the square emptied, leaving behind only Luffy, Chopper, Usopp, and a startled looking stray cat.

The salesman's mouth opened and closed in rapid succession for a moment before he cleared his throat and offered Zoro a dazzling smile.

"Well, you seem to have won the auction, as my other potential customers have mysteriously vanished-"

"I'll take 'em now," the swordsman growled, giving both the girls a quick look-over. The bald one seemed confused...the wild one looked dumbstruck, and then furious.

"Ah, sorry, but they must be taken back to my office while we do the paperwork," the mustached man said apologetically. "Taka? Would you mind...?"

The muscle-head grunted, turned, and lead the way down the stairs, tugging and pulling the chain link as needed.

"This way please good sir," the salesman smiled, and bowed in the general direction of his office.

Zoro nodded at Luffy to wait, and followed after the man, leaving behind a furious Usopp, a smug Luffy, and a very, very confused Chopper.


	2. Demons and Chains

**_Well this certainly got more attention than I originally thought it would. Here's chapter 2. Reviews are my lifeblood (hinthint)._**

* * *

Usopp had barged into the office five minutes into the reading of the contract and bill of sale.

Normally, Zoro would be more than a little ticked that Usopp was interrupting something that he was working on. However, when the long-nosed lad demanded to look over the contract to make sure there weren't any 'funny loopholes', Zoro gladly handed the document over. It was all mice print to him; words were too big, sentences were too long and often repeated in a different fashion, and it was all beginning to give him a headache.

Even though the document was several pages long, Usopp had finished in a few minutes, and he slammed the papers onto the desk, looking furious.

"It says here that even if we free them, they are still slaves! You can't do that!"

"It's not my law kid," the salesman sighed dramatically. "Nor is it my law to brand them. Well, one of them. The people we got them from didn't get the chance to brand the other."

Usopp sputtered angrily, but the salesman continued on. "Well, I suppose you could technically free one of 'em without having to worry about her coming back to us. But the other one...no, no freedom for her. She's in it for life."

"Yet it states in Section 5, subsection B, paragraph 2, that as the owner, we hold their lives in our hands to do with as we want. Surely freeing them is included?!"

"Nope, sorry," the guy shrugged. "Got a problem with anything else?"

Usopp gritted his teeth, then looked down at where Zoro was sitting. "Sign it. It's better than most contracts."

Zoro fought down a sigh as he signed his name, and handed over the money.

"Pleasure doing business with you sir," the man oozed, putting the bag away into a drawer and leading them outside. "If you'll follow me, I'll show you to your new assets."

Luffy, Chopper, Robin, Franky, and Brooke were all waiting outside. Zoro felt a little annoyed at the looks he was receiving; shock, surprise, disappointment, and disgust.

What? They thought he was actually SERIOUS about buying slaves?!

They followed after him though, silent every single one of them.

The man led them to a large shed behind his office. His muscle-man was sitting outside, nursing his hand.

"Ah, Taka. Did...you cut yourself again on the chains?"

Zoro snorted at the man's careful language and at the slight nod from the other man. More than likely, and judging from the way the blood was bleeding through the cloth, he had been bit.

The salesman offered a fake smile to Zoro, and then slid the door to the shed. "Mind yourself in there. They're given a little more freedom to move around," he chirped jovially. "Remember, the contract states that we are under no obligation to help heal you or pay for your funeral should you come to die or be injured while on the premises from your own slaves."

Zoro rolled his eyes, motioned for the others to stay back, and entered the shed.

He supposed it wasn't as bad as it could have been. There was a light, but only one in the corner next to a mat of straw, where the bald one was currently sleeping, curled up under a blanket. The rest of the room was in shadow.

"Come out, I know you're watching," he growled at the darkness.

Thank heavens he trained so diligently, he thought as he ducked and then blocked with a sheathed sword the chain that had come whipping out at him from the darkness to his left.

"We're not responsible!!! She should be asleep from the tranquilizer, but apparently she's too riled up! We're not responsible!" the salesman screeched, and turned and bolted back towards his office, Taka right behind him.

The chain retreated into the darkness, and it was quiet once more.

Zoro waited, eyes narrowed.

"Z-Zoro?" Chopper's voice wavered.

"Yeah?"

"Maybe...maybe we should get the other one first and deal with the scary one after?"

"Sounds good to me," Zoro grunted, and made to go towards the sleeping girl.

Oops.

He'd not even taken two steps towards her when the chain lashed out again, almost wrapping around his neck. It quickly retreated as before, but snapped back out.

She did want him to go near her companion, Zoro realized as he ducked again and backed up to where he was previously.

Again, the chain retreated, and everything fell silent once more.

"Um...miss?" Chopper squeaked, nervously stepping forward. He flinched as he stepped in further than Zoro, seeming to expect the chain to come whipping back out.

Nothing.

Seeming to be given courage by this, the mini-reindeer continued.

"We don't want to hurt you," he stated into the darkness, voice strengthening as he kept talking without the repercussion of the chains. "We do not stand for slavery. We just want to help you and your friend. We don't want to see you two hurt. We have a doctor...oh, I'm the doctor! Ehem, I'm the doctor on our ship. See, we're pirates in search of-"

Whatever he had been about to say was cut off as the chain whipped out over his antlered head, wrapped around Zoro's torso, and yanked him hard to the ground. A form darted from the shadows, pounced on Zoro's chest, knees pining his arms down, and started to choke him.

"Tres Fleur," Robin murmured, hands curled around herself casually.

Two disembodied arms appeared, and latched onto the wild one's elbows, pulling her away from Zoro while the other arm grabbed onto her hair to make her let go.

The woman let out a silent howl as she was forced onto her back and away from the green-haired swordsman, fighting and wriggling against her new bonds.

"That's not supa," Franky muttered darkly.

He was looking down at the girl with a mixture of surprise and pity. Zoro couldn't blame him. The chains that had held her on the platform had left welts over her arms, legs, and neck. Her hair was messier than before, a small pinprick of blood had pooled in the corner of her left elbow, probably from the tranquilizer shot, and now she had a trail of blood coming from the corner of her mouth.

Probably Taka's blood, Zoro thought as he climbed back to his feet, and plodded over to the sleeping woman.

She was out cold, breathing the deep breaths of one who had been drugged. Zoro easily picked her up and cradled her gently against his chest.

Demon woman was struggling harder now, soft pants of exertion coming from her form.

Robin walked over to her, and knelt down. "Slave-san, we're not going to hurt you or your friend. We're taking you to a safe place. I promise you, you'll be treated well."

She blinked as spit flew from the others' mouth, landing on her elegant cheek.

Brooke's jaw literally dropped to the floor, Franky and Usopp gasped, and Zoro and Chopper both gaped at the two.

Robin blinked again, and calmly wiped the spit away.

"Miss," Chopper said again, coming to stand next to Robin as he looked down at the woman. "I promise, as a doctor, that you will be well taken care of." He looked over her calming form, blinking.

"You've been fighting the tranquilizer for too long," he murmured as she panted, flushed, and stopped struggling, head hitting the floor with a soft thump.

"Franky, if you will," Chopper said, in doctor mode. "We should take them back to the ship. Even though they don't look too bad, I'm afraid of what I might find on closer examination."

Franky nodded, and once Robin's arms had let go of the wild one, bent down and swept her into his arms similar to the way Zoro held the bald one.

"Let's go," Chopper said grimly, tottering back towards the exit.

Sanji had thought he was used to Zoro's...eccentricities. The man only fought, worked out, drank, and slept. He had no interest or gave any indication that women were something other than opponents or as meat bags that took up extra space. He had a horrible sense of direction, and had struck a pose when he was about to die on a wax cake.

But this was decidedly going too far!

"ASSHOLE!" Sanji hissed when Zoro hopped aboard, the girl still asleep in his arms.

"Don't you know how to date them?! YOU DON'T KNOCK THEM OUT AND DRAG THEM BACK TO YOUR CAVE YOU NEADERTHAL!!!"

"Easy cook-bro," Franky said as he came aboard as well, the wild one still in his arms, though she was beginning to thrash about in her drug induced sleep. "Zoro just bought them."

Sanji saw red, and Zoro saw the heel of a black shoe heading for his crotch.

"Oy!" he yelped, hopping out of the way as the others climbed aboard.

"OY YOURSELF!!! HOW DARE YOU GO AND BUY SLAVE WOMEN YOU FUCKING BASTARD?! I THOUGHT YOU WERE BETTER THAN THAT!!!"

"He bought them to save them Sanji," Chopper said as he led the way to the infirmary. "This way, put both of them on cots next to each other....Gently Franky! Gently!"

Zoro set his burden down as well, and cocked an eyebrow as he glanced back over his shoulder.

Everyone was crowded in the doorway, curious to various degrees. Sanji, who seemed to be chain-smoking in anger, leaned against the doorway while Luffy hopped up and down from behind the cook to see the goings on. Usopp leaned against the other door frame, Robin had taken up a post behind him while Nami was in the middle with Brooke peering over her head.

"OUT! EVERYONE OUT!!!" Chopper bellowed.

He turned to glare at Zoro, who had not retreated like the others.

"Zoro-"

"Yeah yeah, you're the doctor and everything, but I'm not leaving you alone with her," he jerked his head at the wild one, who was starting to pant again and thrash about in her bed.

Chopper frowned. "But Zoro, she's a girl. I can't let you in here when I'm tending them."

"You're not a girl either!"

"Yes," Chopper admitted. "But I'm not the same species."

"Chopper," Zoro sighed, rubbing his forehead. "You know I wouldn't talk about what I see in here. Besides, I brought 'em into this, so I might as well stick around."

Chopper made a distressed noise in his throat. "Oh...oh all right, but make sure you turn around when I tell you. And no peeking!"

Like Chopper had to worry about him peeking, Zoro thought with a snort.

He helped move the girls about as Chopper directed. The bald one was fine; just in a very very deep, drugged sleep. She would awaken by nightfall at the latest.

The other one was more difficult to determine. Since she had fought off the tranquilizer (and Chopper suspected they had given her a higher dose), he didn't think she'd be up for a while, a day or two maybe.

Zoro turned his back politely when Chopper began to physical examinations. Zoro's ears twitched in curiosity at the clucking noise Chopper made, and fought the urge to turn when Chopper stated "Huh? No vocal chords? But there is no indication that they were cut from her or that she was born without them...."

Zoro started when Chopper whimpered later though.

"How...how can people be so..."

Zoro chanced a peek, frowning at the sight before him.

Chopper was working on the demon. She was on her stomach, back bare save for a sheet over her lower region to give her some modesty.

He saw what had caused Chopper such distress.

She'd been whipped, probably by one with a spike on the end, Zoro thought as he assessed the damage. The marks were plentiful, and most of them seemed fairly deep. They couldn't be more than a day or so old. Her upper back looked like someone had taken a cheese grater to her skin.

But it was the dark, almost blood-red symbol that was carved into her lower back that made his hair stand on end.

It was an odd mark of slavery that Zoro had never seen before- it was a circle of chains, surrounding a serial number.

As if she really was an object instead of a person.

"Z-Zoro...why?" Chopper gulped, looking up at the swordsman with tears in his eyes.

"I don't know Chopper," Zoro murmured, hanging his head. "I don't know."

There was silence, save for the sound of the waves and demon's soft panting.

"She...she has a fever, from her...wounds," Chopper said jerkily, motioning for Zoro to turn back around. "The other one is unmarked."

"She protected her friend," Zoro murmured. He didn't see but he could feel Chopper nod.

"It makes sense Zoro. That's why she fought all that much harder when you went after her friend. She didn't want anything to happen to her."

Nothing more was said until Chopper requested Zoro to help settle them more comfortably into their cots.

"Bland, simple foods for both of them," Chopper told Sanji when they emerged from the infirmary. "They need quiet," he directed at the others. "And they'll need to be watched over. Especially...especially her. The one with hair has a fever, while the bald one is fine. I will take first watch over them. Please work it out amongst yourselves who takes which turn at which time."

And with that, the furry doctor trotted back inside, and closed the door gently.

Everyone dispersed, until only Sanji and Zoro were left standing outside the door to the infirmary.

Sanji took a long, deep drag on his cigarette, then breathed out a mass of swirly smoke. "So...tell me what the hell happened."

"Over some rum," Zoro groaned. "I'm gonna need it."

The cook took another drag, this one considering. "Alright. I want the full story though."


	3. Dinner and a Show

Nami was not all that pleased to be on bed duty. She could be outside enjoying the sun or roaming through the shopping district getting "free handouts". But instead, it was her turn to watch over their visitors. So, here she was, sitting next to the bald one, a book in hand while her staff leaned against her chair.

Zoro had insisted that Nami should keep it out and ready. After hearing from Sanji what the woman had almost done to Zoro of all people, she had agreed.

It wasn't everyday that you met someone who could get that close to the green-haired idiot to choke him after all.

"Erg...wha?"

Nami looked up from her book, eyebrow cocked at the newly awakened patient. The bald one was blinking up at the ceiling, looking bemused.

"Hi!" Nami chirped, putting on her 'welcome' face. "How ya feeling?"

"Um...fuzzy."

Chopper had said that that feeling was likely, Nami thought as she nodded. She watched the other woman carefully try to sit up, speaking once the bald one was seated.

"So...what's your name?"

"Sam..."

"And what's her name?" Nami nodded toward the sleeping demon.

Sam's eyes widened slightly as she took in her friend's bandaged form, but she quickly recovered. "Um...Sam."

Nami frowned. "You're both named Sam?"

"Uh, yeah...she has a nickname you can call her by, but I can't...I can't think right now..."

"Soup!" Nami declared, setting down her book and pushing a bowl into Sam's hands. Blue eyes blinked again, then sparkled, and within two minutes, the bowl was empty.

"Guess you were hungry huh?" Nami smiled, pushing some toast at her.

Sam grabbed it and began stuffing bread into her mouth while nodding.

"When was the last time they fed you?" the navigator asked, curious.

"They didn't," Sam said after swallowing. "They thought we'd behave better if we were hungry. Hehe, they should have fed her though," she jerked her head at her sleeping companion. "She gets cranky when she doesn't eat."

"Cranky would seem to be an understatement at best," Nami muttered, remembering what Sanji had told her of Zoro's tale.

"What?" Sam asked, halting in mid-bite. "Did...something happen after the auction?"

"Yeah, but I'll tell ya later," Nami grinned. "It's kind of amusing, so it's nothing to worry about."

Sam finished the plate of toast, then gave Nami a nervous look. "Um...I gotta go pee..."

"Do you need help?"

"Dunno," Sam muttered, drawing the blanket around herself as she turned to swing her legs over the cot. She wiggled her toes, then gingerly stood.

"I think I'll be fine," she said cautiously.

Nami pointed out the restroom to her, and once Sam had shut the door, strode over to where Chopper kept his notes on his current patients.

In the blank name spaces, Nami scrawled 'Sam' on both of them.

It felt...good to know their names now instead of 'demon' and 'bald one'.

It made them seem more like human beings instead of slaves.

Satisfied with herself, Nami waited for Bald Sam to come out of the bathroom.

Dinner that night on the Thousand Sunny was an interesting affair.

Sam was dressed in some of Usopp's old clothing, but she seemed content enough with them.

"At least I'm not naked anymore," she had chirped happily.

Nami had led her to the galley for dinner.

Silence reigned the moment Sam entered the doorway after the navigator, only to be broken as everyone started talking at once.

"Bald sis! Welco-"

"Good evening, Slave-san. I trust your-"

"MEAT!"

"Mi'lady, your eyes sparkle like the seas themselves-"

"May I see your pant-"

"Your not supposed to be-"

"Nice shirt-"

"Where's your friend?"

It was the last statement that silenced everyone once more.

"She's still out of it," Sam shrugged. "Nami said it'll be a while before she wakes up. I...I didn't know she was sick."

"Forgive me, my manners seem to have escaped me," Sanji simpered as he drew up another chair for her. "I am Sanji, the ship's chef. And your name is...?"

"Sam," Sam stated as she sat down between Chopper and Robin.

"Sam?" Luffy blinked at her from across the table. Then he grinned and started laughing. "But that's a guy's name!"

"It's short for Samantha you ingrate!" Sanji shouted, kicking his captain in the back of his head.

"Ow! Sanji! That was MEAN!"

"You shouldn't talk like that to a lady," the chef sniffed disdainfully.

"According to the cook, you shouldn't talk to them at all," Zoro droned. "Just act like a retard around them."

"Piss off moss head!"

"Make me shitty dart-brow cook!"

"Um, guys? We uh, we have another visitor," Usopp gulped, looking towards the galley door.

It was the other one. She stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame as she eyed the crew darkly. She was still somewhat intimidating, but it was softened by the flush of fever in her cheeks.

Zoro blinked. "Oy, why are you wearing my clothes?"

That seemed to bring her out of her staring stupor. She gritted her teeth, and started making angry gestures.

"She got lost," Sam supplied.

"You can understand her?" Robin asked, looking curious.

"Yeah...for some reason I can understand exactly what she means."

"I can too," Chopper declared. "I can speak with other animals, since most of their language is body language. This is not too much of a stretch."

"Why didn't she steal Usopp's clothes though?" Zoro grumbled.

More angry gestures, this time with some posturing.

"Um...apparently your clothes fit better," Sam said with a slight cough. "Not that she didn't try."

The demon swayed on her feet, steadied herself, and motioned again, this time with certainty and with a firmness.

Sam looked crestfallen. "But...I like it here. They seem nice enough-"

Gesture gesture nasty look hand motion gesture gesture gesture.

Sam hung her head sadly. "But-"

GESTURE!

"You are NOT leaving this ship young lady!"

Everyone blinked at the little furry doctor, who was now standing in his seat and giving the demon woman one of his patented no-nonsense doctor looks.

"Your wounds need tending and you have a high fever. You're not in any shape to go anywhere."

Sanji drew up another seat, sticking it between Luffy and Zoro, and motioned their new guest towards it.

Demon seemed on the brink of refusing, but she caught sight of the food. She hesitated, and looked at Sam.

"It's alright," the other coaxed. "If they wanted to hurt us they would have done it a lot earlier." She sipped her soup. "Soup's good," she offered.

The other woman swayed again, caught herself, and slouched her way over. She gave Zoro a nasty glare before sitting in between him and Luffy, letting out a sigh of air in resignation.

"PARTY!!!" Franky yelled, hands thrown up in celebration.

"NO!" Chopper bellowed. "No partying allowed! Doctor's orders!"

"Just eat your dinner shitheads," Sanji growled, then crooned. "And lovely ladies I hope you enjoy my work of love!"

Demon's forehead gave a noticeable tick.

Everyone dug in after that.

"So, if you're both called Sam...how do we tell you apart?"

Sam looked at Demon. "Hey Sam? Is it alright if they call you by your nickname?"

Demon started gesticulating, with Chopper translating.

"'Sure, not like I copulation have a choice. I'm a copulation slave, remember?'"

"What's copa...copafeel? No, no, copupation? Copa-"

"Copulation. She means 'fucking'," Sam stated around a mouthful of soup.

"Oooooh...wait, she wants to have sex?"

The captain let out a yelp as his face was slammed into his plate by the girl, who had another furious look on her face.

"I think that's a no Cap'n," Zoro drawled, watching Luffy struggle in his plate with a detached interest.

The woman let his captain go after a moment. Luffy's head popped back up, wobbled, and turned to look at the woman sitting next to him.

"So what do we call ya?" he whined.

She actually blinked. Then, cautiously gestured.

"Cass," Sam offered around some more toast.

"Eh?! That's nothing close to Sam!"

"If it's what the lady wants to be called, then we'll call her that!" Sanji snapped. "I happen to think it's pretty."

Zoro snorted into his mug, ignoring Sanji's glare.

"Cass, and Sam then," Usopp said, nodding. "Well, at least we won't get both of them running when we call out 'Sam'."

"Hey, Usopp, you seemed to know a lot about slavery. What's the story behind that?" Zoro asked, the thought just coming to him. As far as he had known, Usopp hadn't been in slavery nor had he dealt with it directly.

The long-nosed lad shifted nervously in his seat. "Um, Zoro, I'd rather not talk about it-"

"Why not? Usopp, you never turn down a chance to tell us a story!" Luffy complained while simultaneously snatching a piece of bread from Cass' plate. She didn't seem to mind all that much, as she focused on finishing her soup.

Usopp hesitated, considering. "Okay," he finally sighed. "But please don't ask me to repeat it. It's distressing enough to repeat it once."

The table fell silent as everyone waited for boy to continue.

He drew in a deep breath, and began.

"See, when I was still knee high, I ran away from home one day. I was upset at my mom, so I thought I'd show her, you know? Well, long, interesting story of me taming all the animals of the wilds short, I ended up on the far end of the island. There was a smaller village, and when I saw that a pirate ship was in the harbor, I got...excited. I thought maybe my father was back, and that I could go with him on the high seas and into a life of fun and adventure. When I got down there though, the village was empty. I didn't think anything of this, since I reasoned that maybe everyone had gone to the pirate ship to party, you know? So I get to the pirate ship, and...and all the villagers are there. The old, the young, everyone. And they were all in chains. I hid, because I didn't understand what was going on. Thank goodness I did, because not a minute later, the captain came back. He looked over everyone, and then ordered that everyone be put on board. I watched, until they weighed anchor and started to sail...when they got far out enough, I crawled out of my hiding spot, and watched them sail into the sunset."

Usopp closed his eyes, and heaved a sigh. "When they were out in deeper water, they started throwing slaves overboard, chains and all. From the screams on the ship, it looked like old men and women at first. Then they threw out small bundles...babies..."

He shook his head, and stared down at his plate, food half-finished. "I can still hear the screaming..."

Everyone was silent as he finished his tale.

Usopp actually chuckled darkly. "Not one of my better, happier tales, eh?"

THUNK!

Zoro almost jumped at the random sound, and looked at the woman sitting beside him. She was face-down in her now-empty soup bowl.

"Umm..."

"No!" Luffy bellowed. "I will not have another Ace on our ship! It's freaky enough when he does his narkie-narkie power!"

"It's a side-effect of tranquilizers Luffy," Chopper said after a moment. "She might be like this for another day or so. She'll wake up again when she's ready."

"Oh...hehe, good!"

"Well, at least the lady was kind enough to finish her meal," Sanji said, looking at Usopp's half-finished dinner. Normally he'd throw a fit over wasted food, but tonight, he didn't feel like telling Usopp off. Not after hearing what the sniper had seen as a child.

A bowl was held under the chef's nose. Sam was looking up at him with starry eyes and a happy, lazy smile. "Please sir, I want some more!"

"Yes Mellorine!" Sanji cooed, earning a few titters and one disgusted snort from his crew mates as he once again did his noodle dance of love while doling out another portion of soup for Sam.

"Eh, excuse me miss, but would you mind telling us how you came to be here?" Brook asked awkwardly. "If it's at all possible, I'm sure my crew mates and I would be able to take you home."

Sam winced. "Umm..."

"Did his insensitive question offend you my angel?" Sanji asked gently, before snapping out a kick at Brook's head. "Yohoho! How harsh!" the skeleton wailed from the floor now.

"No," Sam said slowly, taking her bowl back to her spot. "It's just...we're not from around here."

"Where then? East Blue?" Nami asked.

"No...um, was there any weird weather activity a few days back?"

Everyone glanced at Nami. "Yup," Luffy finally said.

"Well...that was probably us."

"So coooool!" Luffy yelled. "You two can change the weather and put on awesome pretty pretty lightning shows!!!"

"No, that was us coming in. The storm was...hm, how can I put it," she muttered, eating a spoonful of soup to give herself some thinking time. "We're not from this world. That storm ripped us from our world and plopped us into yours."

"...so you're an alien?" Luffy asked, cocking his head blankly.

"Um...not in the sense you're thinking of I think," Sam muttered. "I think, THINK, we're from another dimension. Either that or we got sucked-"

A fist slammed onto the table, causing everyone to jump.

Sam number two was awake once more, and she had a slightly fearful look on her face as she looked across the table at her companion, shaking her head vigorously.

"But why not?" Sam number one asked, sounding exasperated. The other girl gesticulated wildly.

"What does she mean by 'fourth wall'?" Chopper asked, looking confused.

"Um, never mind," Sam mumbled after Cass gave her a hard shake of her head.

"So...you're saying that you two fell out of that storm," Nami said slowly.

Both girls nodded.

"And you just happened to get captured and ended up enslaved?"

"Well, we landed on another pirate ship, were detained, chained, separated, put back together, and then sold into slavery," Sam added.

"Stranger things have happened on the Grand Line," Chopper said, nodding at Sam. "And they have no reason to lie about this."

"So....if there is another world," their captain said softly, causing the crew to fall silent at this unusual tone. "Then that means-"

Oh god no, Zoro thought in a panic. "Luffy-!"

"I'LL BECOME THE PIRATE KING IN THAT WORLD TOO!" Luffy crowed, ignoring his first mate.

Cass banged her head onto the table several times.

"Um, Luffy? For one thing, we're not entirely sure HOW we got here, if we can get back, and I also think you wouldn't...you wouldn't like it in our world," Sam said.

"Why not?"

Cass looked up sharply.

"Um...there's no meat!"

"WHAT?!! NOOOOO!!!"

Thank heavens for gullible captains, Zoro thought dryly.

The rest of dinner was relatively normal, or as normal as it could get with two strangers in their midst. Cass fell asleep again, only this time Sanji had taken away her bowl so she simply used the table as a pillow, and Sam tried to answer random questions from the crew.

"What did you two do in your world?" Robin asked as she sipped her coffee.

"We were students," she answered, sipping her water. "We were both going to college. I wanted to be a meteorologist, and I think she said she wanted to be a teacher."

"Kinda hard to teach when you can't talk, eh?" Zoro commented.

"She could talk. Normally, she wouldn't shut up if you gave her half the chance," Sam smirked. "But...when we came here...she couldn't. Dunno why."

"What about your nakama? Are they gonna come and try to find you?" Luffy asked.

Sam winced. "They probably will give us up for dead. I mean, I can't blame them," she added at Luffy's incredulous look. "Seriously! When there's a tornado, you don't exactly expect the bodies to have disappeared because they were sent into another dimension. They'll probably give us up for dead after a while though."

"What are the pirates in your world like?" Luffy asked some time later.

Again, Sam hesitated before answering. "Thieves, murderers. That's about it. We had a Golden Pirate Age, and they weren't as bloodthirsty as they are now...actually Cass could tell you more about it than me, she's the history buff on all things pirates and Rome."

"What is Rome?" Brook asked as he sipped his tea.

"A city from our world. An ancient city full of history and other stuff."

"Would you be kind enough as to define 'other stuff'?" Robin asked with a twinkle in her eye.

"Architecture, hidden treasure, that sort of thing," Sam said almost dismissively. "I'm rather attached to ancient China, Japanese culture, and ancient Egypt. But yeah, ask her later about pirates from our world."

"So what'd you guys do for fun?" Franky asked.

Sam thought for a moment, gazing at the still-sleeping Cass.

"Her...she liked to write, paint, draw, and do some martial arts. I liked writing poetry, swimming, and reading. We both enjoy taking naps and day-dreaming though."

"So she can fight?" Zoro asked, jerking his head at his snoozing neighbor.

"Not like you guys," Sam answered.

Silence.

"What makes you think we can fight?" Nami asked after a moment, eyes narrowing.

"You guys are pirates," Sam said, frowning. "What kind of pirates can't fight?"

"Ah, she's right," Chopper nodded. "I hate to break this up, but I think our new friends should get some sleep...on something other than the table," he added, blinking at Cass, who was beginning to drool onto the table. "Zoro, if you will? Sam, please follow me. I think we have some spare rooms you and your friend can have."

"Thanks!" Sam smiled, following the little doctor out.

Zoro glared down at the sleeping woman. Pain in the ass, he thought with a sigh, and heaved her up and carried her after the other two.


	4. Food Fight and Shopping pt 1

"Did you sleep well my lovely angels?" Sanji cooed the next morning when Robin, Nami, and Sam trailed in for breakfast.

"Quite well Sanji-kun," Nami declared.

"Okay. Not used to the rolling ship yet, but not bad," Sam said with a shrug. She nearly tripped over her feet when she did not pick them up high enough, and growled something down to them.

"Here's your portion, ladies, as always made with the finest ingredients I have available," Sanji said, serving up pancakes and fresh fruit. "Oy, assholes! Breakfast!" he shouted out the galley.

The boys filed in, Chopper bringing up the rear in his more-human form leading Cass by the arm. "Zoro, did you do something to her? Her fever broke and she's over the effects of the tranquilizers."

Zoro felt his temple tick as the girl beamed at him...in his clothing once more.

"Nami. Money for a shopping trip. Now."

Luffy spat out milk from his nose, and Sanji almost dropped his cigarette in surprise.

"Zoro...you want to go shopping?" Nami said, sounding dumbstruck.

The swordsman offered her a careless look. "I only have so many extra shirts and pants. 'Sides, I got the two of them into this, so I guess just add it onto my account."

He glanced around the room, the various looks of shock wearing off. Cass looked stricken though.

"Oy, onna, what's wrong with ya?" he growled at her.

She winced, then gestured.

"She hates it that she's putting you further into debt. She also dislikes the fact that most masters pay for their slaves anyway," Sam translated. "She's got a point. I feel bad too-"

"Forget it," Zoro quipped, finishing up his pancakes. "At least this time my debt won't go up for pissing Nami off."

"Since you're volunteering to be so generous, I'll only add one hundred percent interest to your shopping spree instead of the regular three hundred," Nami beamed. "You're such a gentleman sometimes Zoro."

"Then I shall pay for you my Mellorine!" Sanji declared as he motioned to Sam with stars in his eyes.

"Don't bother stupid cook," Zoro growled. "I bought 'em both so-"

He broke off when a muffin thumped into his head. Cass sat across from him, glaring.

"Oy! What was that for!" Zoro yelled at her. "It's true-"

"FOOD FIGHT!!!" Luffy bellowed, and chaos reigned supreme for the next five minutes.

By the time Sanji had cleared everyone out, pancakes and bits of fruit were everywhere, milk was spilled on the table, and Chopper had somehow ended up in the chandelier.

"Um...help?" he squeaked down at the chef. "Please?"

Usopp led the way back through town, followed by Zoro, Sam, and lastly, Cass.

"I'm pretty sure the shop for ladies is over here," the sniper said, turning to the left.

Zoro ignored him, and went right.

Sam and Cass both stopped, glanced at each other, and then went their separate ways; Sam following Usopp and Cass following Zoro.

To say that something interesting would come of this would be an understatement.

"See? Like I said, I knew I saw a Ladies Shop here somewhere," Usopp said proudly. "Now, ladies, let's- wait, where's your scary friend? Where's Zoro for that matter? He's the one paying for all this!"

"Eh, he can pay you back right?" Sam said, trotting inside.

"Heh, I hope so," Usopp muttered, glancing at the price of an evening dress and fighting the urge to cry.

"I don't like dresses Usopp," Sam said airily, trying on a dark blue trench-coat. "Oooo. Me likey."

Usopp checked the price and grinned. "Me likey too! Ha! This reminds me of my adventure back in North Blue! I was asked by the King to be head of the security of a pageant show!"

"Really?" Sam asked, turning and looking at him, eyes dancing. "How'd that go?"

"Wonderful! Except for the jealous Drag Queens from a neighboring island. See, they wanted to join in too, but since they weren't ladies, they weren't qualified!"

"That's so mean!" Sam wailed, gathering up some clothing to try on.

"I thought so as well! So, on behalf of the Drag Queens, I had another audience (which I can get whenever I feel like it) and asked the King to change the rules to allow them to be able to enter. After several grueling hours of negotiations, I finally was able to bring about a peaceful resolution! And now, to this day, Drag Queens are allowed and even encouraged to enter into the North Blue beauty pageant shows!"

"Wow Usopp, that's an amazing story," Sam said, coming out from behind a curtain. "You think this'll be okay?"

Usopp looked her over. Long blue dark trench-coat, black boots, pants, a corset-like top with long sleeves, and a dark blue fedora with a purple sash circling around the middle.

"...you like blue huh?" he asked, eyebrow cocked.

"Yup! Can I get a few of these?"

Usopp quickly calculated the figures in his head, and smiled. "Yeah. Oh, hey, isn't there a rule that all girls have to have at least one black dress in their closet?" he asked, pointing at the party dress section.

Sam groaned. "I hate dresses."

"What if we get invited to a party?" Usopp asked seriously. "With me as your famous captain, it is quite possible."

"Fine fine," Sam groused, walking over and skimming through the racks. She tripped once more over her feet, and this time didn't bother to keep down her cursing.

Usopp blinked. "Um...you've been tripping a lot lately. You're not hurt are you?"

"No no," the girl sighed. "I'm not wearing my glasses so I have no depth perception." She blinked. "Now that I think about it, Cass isn't wearing hers either..."

"Don't worry! The Great Captain Usopp is also a great inventor!" The long-nosed liar declared, giving her a rather cheeshy thumbs up. "I'll make you new glasses! Oy, that one looks good," he added, pointing at a long, dark blue dress.

"Here," she sighed, shoving the dress at Usopp. "It's not black, but close enough."

After Usopp paid for her things, they walked out and found a small cafe. Usopp even bought her some coffee. They sat outside, enjoying the weather and chatting about nothing in general.

"Just so you know, I am NOT going inside with you when we go to get the rest of your clothing," Usopp said, making his statement all the more firm by sticking his long nose up in the air. "It is...not a man's duty."

"It's okay if you're embarrassed," Sam replied, sipping her coffee.

"Embarrassed? Me? Ha! I'll have you know, that I am THE Captain Usopp who lived through the Amazonian Women of the South Blue Jungles! They wore almost nothing! Me? Embarrassed by some skimpy underwear? Ha!"

"Alrighty then...hey, what was that?"

A large explosion had sounded towards a tower closer to the edge of town; the tower shuddered, tilted, and then collapsed.

"I propose we head back to the ship," Usopp stated seriously as people began to run and scream in panic.

"No," Sam said firmly.

"What?! WHY?!"

"Because that's the direction that Zoro and Cass headed," she replied grimly. "C'mon."

* * *

**Cliff Hanger, hanging from a Cliff!!!....and that's why they call 'em Cliff Hanger!**


	5. Shopping pt 2

Zoro wasn't sure if he should be amused or annoyed.

He settled on the latter.

"Oy oy, shouldn't you be following your friend?" he growled at his shadow, who had followed him silently through the streets for the past ten minutes.

Cass frowned up at him, then pointed at him, and then her lower back.

He snorted. "I'm not your master, you know that better than the others."

She motioned darkly at the surrounding town.

"Ah. But they don't. Fine fine, just don't get in my way," he grumbled, continuing onward.

All in all, it wasn't as bad as he thought it would be to have a woman following him around. She kept up with his long strides by trotting, didn't try to guide him through the streets, and didn't try anything funny.

Well, she knew better than that stupid cook at least.

He stopped in front of a shop, cocking an eyebrow at the sign, then looking down at the girl beside him. "You don't strike me as the 'pretty, soft, delicate' type," he drawled. "This seems more your style."

Cass beamed up at the sign 'Tracy's Tomboy Traveling Company- Practical clothing for the young traveling lady.'

"So, you don't always seem grumpy," Zoro said as she burrowed through the racks of clothing. "Did we catch you on a bad day or am I just that lucky?"

Cass held up a hand, and wiggled it from side to side as she considered a pair of simple brown trousers. She shrugged to herself, and hung it over an arm as she continued digging.

Zoro peaked over her shoulder at the price tags, relaxing somewhat. Well, at least she wouldn't put him down all that much deeper into debt.

Several pairs of trousers, both brown and black, and a few simple long-sleeved shirts that were mostly green, a few red, and a few black. Zoro noted the girl seemed to like her clothing slightly baggy, and on instinct, slipped a belt into the pile.

"Green is your color dear," the woman smiled when Zoro paid for the clothing later. "It'll go nicely with your man's hair as well."

Zoro ignored the comment, but Cass seemed to have developed another tick in her temple, which stayed even after they left the shop.

"I need to buy a few things here," the swordsman said when they halted in front of a weapon's shop. He walked inside without another word, leaving Cass behind.

The shopkeeper wasn't the bothering type, which suited Zoro just fine. He found the polish he needed, and was heading to the counter to pay for it when he passed by a weapon's aisle that Cass was in.

"I thought I left you...outside..." he trailed off, unable to continue his train of thought.

She was standing in front of a locked display case, where twin katana's lay under the safety of both glass and chain.

She was shivering, and when Zoro listened, he couldn't blame her.

Those swords were evil. Pure and simple.

"Ah, you seem to understand what you're seeing, slave," the shopkeeper murmured without malice, appearing like a specter next to the pair. "Those blades were forged by the cruelest swordsman from the Grand Line over five thousand years ago, and he poured all of his hatred, cruelty, and blood lust into them. Those swords have slain over one million people, and legend has it, devoured their souls."

"Why do you have such weapons on display?" Zoro asked, fighting the urge to smash open the case and destroy the swords.

"Because if I do not, they tend to fall into unwitting hands. They are vain things, and love being seen. So long as they're seen, they are quite docile. I would never sell them though. Not even to you, a carrier of a cursed sword," he added, nodding to Zoro's bloodthirsty blade.

"Still..."

"Sir, with all due respect, you are a pirate, am I correct?"

Zoro turned to look over the shopkeeper, eyes narrowed as he took in the small, older man who gazed up at him with a blank look.

"If I am?"

"Then I would suggest that you purchase a weapon for your slave. Of course, it's illegal for slaves to own their own weapons on this island. But, I think it would be foolish to leave her unarmed, given your occupation."

Zoro looked down at his charge, who was still looking at the swords warily. He nodded, and the shopkeeper walked up, and gently tapped the girl on the shoulder.

"Miss? Have you ever had any serious weapons training?"

Cass blinked, and shook her head, looking a little sheepish.

"I can see your master is a practitioner of many styles, so I do not think it would be unwise to give you a weapon. Have you seen anything that you like?"

The girl blinked, shrugged, and began to walk around looking at various weapons, with the shopkeeper trailing behind her. Zoro stayed put, watching everything with a stoic expression.

She looked over short swords, rapiers, sies, nunchucks, everything. She eventually stopped in front of a simple wooden sword. She beamed, lifted it, and gave it a cautious twirl. Nodding to herself, she offered it to the shopkeeper for inspection.

"Ah, an interesting choice. In a shop full of dangerous, deadly weapons, you choose one of the ones that are the most non-lethal. Why?"

Zoro wasn't sure if the guy expected her to actually talk, but he seemed to understand her gesturing well enough.

"Ah. You value life that much? Even those who would want to harm yourself?"

Rapid gesturing.

"Very well. They'll suit you I think. Bokken," he added to Zoro as they came back to the counter. "And she picked up a bo-staff for her friend."

Zoro paid for everything, and the shopkeeper bowed them out.

"Man, those things gave me the creeps," Zoro sighed. Cass nodded vaguely, holding tightly to her bokken.

"Oy, put that away, you're getting weird looks," Zoro muttered out of the corner of his mouth as passerby's glared openly at the girl. Cass made a face, but stuffed it into on of the larger bags on her arm.

"Mr. Zoro!" a familiar voice boomed to their left.

"Aw shit," the swordsman muttered, trying to pick up the pace to avoid the man.

"My good sir! It seems you're doing well with your purchases!" the slave-man beamed, latching onto Zoro's arm.

_Patience. Don't say anything stupid..._

"Yup." Zoro grunted. He felt more than saw Cass' face darken.

"How'd you do it?" the man whispered loudly, ignoring the girl.

"Do what?" Zoro asked, resting against a stall and glancing up at the tower across the way. Interesting architecture, he thought idly. It seemed to have some similarities to the buildings of the palace in Arabasta-

"Make her submit!" the man roared with laughter, pointing openly at Cass. "We tried almost everything with her! Starvation, beatings, drugs...oh, did you use her for a bed warmer?"

"What did you say?" Zoro asked quietly, stilling.

"Did you force her?" the man continued, oblivious. "They say that we should do that to them, but virginity is placed very highly...especially on the monetary scale." He leaned in, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. "Was she to your satisfaction sir?"

Zoro took a deep, calming breath. "Are you saying that I would force myself on a drugged woman who was suffering from an overdose of tranquilizers, unhealed wounds, and a fever?"

"That's just the thing though," the man beamed. "She's not a woman or-"

He was cut off when he was sent flying through the walls of the tower, leaving behind a wake of knocked-over pedestrians, a large cloud of dust, and an ominous creaking noise coming from the foundations of the tower.

Zoro stilled, took another deep breath as he closed his eyes, and relaxed once more. He ignored the screams and cries of the citizens as the tower tilted, and then fell, causing the ground to shake for a long second before stilling.

Cass was looking at him with a curious look when he opened his eyes once more. She made a motion at him, then at the tower.

"If I wanted to bed a woman, I wouldn't need or want her to be in the state you were in yesterday," he said softly. "That...I don't even have the words for that."

She looked...well, he wasn't sure what the emotion on her face was.

She patted his arm awkwardly, but gently, and pointed towards the road they were heading down.

"ZORO!"

"Usopp," the swordsman said levelly.

"What did you DO?"

"Wow that's so cool!" Sam squealed, looking over the damage wrought by a single blow from the swordsman. "Hey! The skyline is much prettier without this," she declared.

Zoro shrugged. "I lost my temper."

"Let's get out of here NOW!" Usopp hissed. "No telling what'll happen to us here after the damage you've caused."

"Um, Usopp? Me and Cass aren't leaving until we have the rest of what we need," Sam said simply. "And that means under-"

"LALALALALALALALA I'M NOT LISTENING LALALALALALA!" Usopp bellowed, leading the way once more.

"I didn't know he was terrified of underwear," Zoro said thoughtfully as they followed the still-screaming long nose.

"Apparently he's afraid of women underwear."

"Ah."

"Ouch! Cass, what- oh, is this for me? Thanks," Sam beamed as she took the offered bo-staff. "I don't really know how to use it, but at least I won't be helpless now. Hey, don't you have a weapon too?"

Cass smirked, and made a few motions.

"Oh. I guess you would be most comfortable with that," Sam said thoughtfully.

They reached the intended shop, and Usopp stayed outside 'on guard duty'. Zoro, not really bothered by such intimate things as underwear, tagged along after the girls.

Well, he could honestly admit to himself later that it was certainly an educational experience.

"Okay, so we have clothing now, along with weapons. So what else now?" Zoro asked a while later under the mountain of bags.

Cass halted suddenly, and Zoro swore as he almost walked into her.

"Woman!"

She sniggered, and pointed at the store they were in front of.

"Cass! You rock!" Sam squealed, and dashed inside the store, followed closely by a scurrying Cass.

"If they're anything like Robin, we'll be here for days," Usopp groaned, taking a seat with Zoro on a nearby bench.

Zoro gave them forty-five minutes before he left the rest of the bags with Usopp, and strode inside, heart nearly stopping as he took in the mountains of books, papers, and various other things that were teetering precariously in both of the girl's arms.

"We're going to need another Straw-Hat if this keeps up," he droned after they left, now regulated to carrying the bags of books while Usopp and the girls handled the clothing.

"Neh. I think we're done," Sam shrugged, heading for the docks. "Right Cass?"

Cass nodded enthusiastically, grinning like the monster she was Zoro thought as he began to add up the costs of the books with Nami's interest.

He hoped that when he fought Mihawk to gain the title of the best swordsman, he'd die right after claiming the title, because there was no way in hell he'd ever be able to pay it all off.

Well, at least someone would be happy due to this arrangement, he thought, inwardly cringing at the picture of a beli-eyed Nami when she saw all the receipts.


	6. You Don't Boink Ladies!

"I just don't understand it," Chopper muttered at Zoro after he had released both the ladies after a checkup. "Sam I can understand being able to walk and function, but how is Cass...?"

"What? She fakin' it?" Zoro yawned, leaning against a nearby wall.

"I think she had a relapse," Chopper said slowly. "She has a fever again, and she fell asleep during the exam. Oh, and her wounds are in the same shape as they were before."

The carved mark rose unbidden in the swordsman's mind, and he growled.

"So? What do you think?"

"I think she should be kept on bed rest for the next few days, if only to keep her temperature from spiking," the furry doctor concluded, watching Usopp and Franky begin a game of Tag with both girls.

"But, she wouldn't hear of it."

"Oh, yes she will," Zoro grumbled, stomping over to Cass, who was considering a coil of rope for her hiding spot.

"Oy, onna."

She looked up, and offered him a friendly smile.

"Go lay down. Doctor's orders."

The friendly look was replaced with a stubborn one, and she made a dismissive motion.

Zoro's eyes narrowed. "You're not doing yourself or us any favors by roaming around when you're not well."

An angry gesture that he didn't really understand, but he continued on anyway.

"Don't you wanna get back to one hundred percent? So you can be strong enough to do what you want? Oh, wait, you just wanna keep soaking up our lovely hospitality," he drawled.

There was an angry gesture he was all too familiar with.

"Bed," he stated firmly, stepping forward and glaring down at the girl.

She shook her head, and glared back.

"I found YOU- oh," Usopp squeaked, falling away from the glaring pair. They didn't even seem to notice him.

"Hey, what's...oy, shithead, it's not polite to stare at a lady," Sanji growled around a cigarette as he passed by on his way back to the galley.

Again, the pair ignored the commentary. They were focused only on staring each other down- black eyes against black eyes, each determined to win out and make the other submit.

Only the sound of the waves and the noise from the nearby port broke the silence.

Then, with a quick movement too fast to really be caught, Zoro drew his sword up, and slammed the hilt hard onto Cass' head. She fell limply to the deck.

"YOU BASTARD!" Sanji shouted, and his kick was blocked by Zoro as the swordsman held off the furious chef while throwing Cass over his shoulder, and heading back to the infirmary, occasionally blocking more kicks from the cook, and nodding at a shell-shocked Chopper.

"There," he said, sounding very pleased with himself as he tossed the girl onto a cot. "Serves ya right. Trying to beat me at a staring contest. Ha!"

"ZORO!"

"Oh Sanji," Zoro droned as he came back outside, easily ducking the kicks once more. "Your dulcet tones are the light of my life. Whatever can I do to repay you?"

"QUIT HURTING CASS-SAN! YOU DON'T BOINK LADIES ON THE HEAD YOU FUCKING CAVE MAN!"

"Doctor's orders," Zoro shrugged, and headed up to the crow's nest, intent on a nice long workout.

"I said no such thing!" Chopper wailed after the retreating swordsman.

Zoro smirked as he climbed, and listened to the sound of an angry Sanji roaring at Chopper.

Dinner wasn't as much of a disaster as breakfast had been, though the table was missing two of the previous occupants; Chopper was staying in the infirmary to make sure Cass didn't 'try anything funny and/or stupid', and they were both taking their meal away from the rest of the crew.

"Hey, Nami? Could you show me how to use my new bo-staff?" Sam asked as she downed her soup, and easily snatched a bit of chicken from a platter. "Cass got it for me, but I've never used one."

"Sure," Nami smirked. "You'll have to do something for me in return though."

"What would that be?" Sam asked warily.

"I'll let you know when I come up with it," Nami beamed, ignoring Sam's terrified look.

"Eh, Sam? Did ya ask Other Sam-"

"Cass, Luffy," Sanji sighed from his normal station leaning against the counter.

"-about your pirates?"

"I'll ask her tonight," Sam promised, slapping Luffy's reaching hand that was endangering her chicken.

"Oy, Zoro, where's your receipts?" Nami bellowed at the swordsman.

Zoro glared at her, and then slid a pile of small papers across the table at her.

She shifted through most of the contents, nodding here and there. "I see. Really, this wasn't as bad as OH THANK YOU SAM!" she squealed, lifting the last receipt and waving it excitedly, beli signs dancing in her eyes. "I had almost given up hope on you two! But now I see I misjudged you!"

"Eh?" Sanji asked, looking at Zoro.

The swordsman hung his head, almost in shame. "They found a book store and supply shop."

"Ah," the cook nodded, feeling a slight twinge of pity as Nami crowed out the amount.

Eh, served the marimo right for buying women.

"Okay you lot," Nami growled near the end of dinner. "Tomorrow is our last day here. I'll hand out your last shares, under the condition that you DO NOT CAUSE ANY TROUBLE."

She was looking at Zoro and Luffy when she said this. Zoro just looked at her, face unreadable while Luffy looked confused.

"But Nami, I've been good! I'm not the one who smacked a guy into a tower and made the tower fall down!"

Nami whipped around to look back at Zoro, teeth bared and fists raised towards him.

"WHAT?"

"Night," the swordsman muttered from the galley door, making his escape under the verbal onslaught of the navigator.

He stopped by the infirmary on his way to his room, mainly to make sure Chopper was alright with dealing with the stubborn, silent girl.

When he opened the door, he could have sworn that he cracked a rib from trying to keep his laughter in.

Chopper, looking both pleased and vaguely terrified, was currently in Cass' lap, and was being hugged much the same way a child hugs onto a favorite plushy. She didn't seem to notice the swordsman as she snuggled against Chopper, arms curled around him and holding him tight.

"Zoro-"

"Yeah?" Zoro smirked, starting to shake from silent laughter as Cass looked up at him with a funny, slightly drugged-looking _happy_ expression on her face.

"Why do people like to hug me?"

"Because you're so cute and fluffy," Zoro stated, to which Cass nodded and started to pet the doctor.

"She kept trying to get away," Chopper muttered, wiggling in the girl's lap. "But she hasn't tried since...um, she grabbed me. So I thought if it kept her from getting up too early..."

"I understand Chopper," Zoro nodded. He gave Cass a serious look, voice deadpan.

"You are under orders from the First Mate to keep hugging Chopper until he declares you are back to your normal self, barring the need for bathroom trips or having to look after other patients. Do I make myself clear?"

Cass beamed, and gave a quick salute. Chopper groaned, and then sighed happily as she began to scratch behind his ears.

Zoro went to bed that night satisfied; he had found Cass' weakness, and when it was needed, it could be utilized.

Now he wouldn't have to worry about denting his swords on her head, he thought happily as he turned and crawled deeper under his covers.


	7. Cannonballs and Tin Foil

The next day dawned like it normally did; amidst the yelling for meat, the swirling of legs and the general roar of activity that sounded that the crew of the Thousand Sunny was awake and ready to face the day.

Chopper and Cass were absent once more, taking their breakfast in the infirmary.

"So her weakness is Chopper?" Sanji smirked when Zoro mentioned it over toast. "Now you have no excuse to hit her anymore you asshole."

There was a low whistling noise that caught Zoro's attention, and it was getting louder-

"Down!" Zoro roared, grabbing Luffy and sending them both falling to the ground as the ship shook from the impact of a cannon ball.

Sanji poked his head back up over the counter a moment later to look out the window. "Um, we seem to have gathered a crowd."

Indeed they had. It seemed most of the town was outside on the docks, a still smoking cannon in plain view, and many of the people armed with various metal utensils.

Curious, Sanji opened his window, poked his head out, and roared:

"What the hell do you want you assholes?"

An older woman stepped forward- perhaps the town leader? She held herself as tall as her five feet would allow, and bellowed back.

"We seek the Captain of your ship!"

"That would be me!" Usopp said, shoving Sanji aside and poking his head out of the window. "What do you want of the Great Captain Usopp?"

"One of your crew-mates destroyed our Tower!" the woman bellowed. "We demand that you pay for the damage done to it!"

"Eh, Zoro did it actually-"

"We know," the woman said. "And we cannot accept money to repair our Tower, our traditions dictate that it requires blood. You can repay us by giving us the head of the demon woman on a silver platter!"

"That's a bit harsh, isn't it?" Brooke muttered to Franky over some tea.

Silence from the ship for a long moment, with Usopp ducking back down for a minute before popping back into view.

"We don't have a silver platter!" Usopp bellowed. "Can we use something else?"

"Um...do you have a wooden one?"

"Nope!"

"...then use tin foil!" the woman said, exasperated.

Usopp let out a squawk as Luffy pulled him down and stepped on him to use the long-nosed boy as a stepping ladder.

"No! We're going to help her and her nakama find their way home! You can't have their heads or any other part of them anymore!"

"How about a toe?" the woman droned sardonically.

Luffy whipped around to his first mate. "Eh, Zoro-"

"NO!"

"No!" Luffy parroted. "Go fix your tower like normal people do! With sticks and bricks and...hmm, sticks, bricks, and...and gum!"

"Nami, how much longer before we can leave?" Zoro asked, drawing his bandana over his head.

"Two hours," she replied glumly.

The swordsman smiled, which was mirrored by the cook.

"What's the stakes this time, marimo?" Sanji asked around a mouthful of smoke.

"Loser takes the winner's watch for the next two cycles," Zoro replied as he clamped Wado in his mouth.

"I'm so beating your shitty ass."

"Ha, you wish."

"You think this'll fit Cass right?" Sam asked, holding up a one piece green bathing suit in front of Usopp.

The sharpshooter winced. "You'd be better off asking Sanji. He's got this awesome power! He can tell a woman's measurements by just one look! He's like..."

"Super Ero-Cook?" Sam deadpanned.

"Yeah!"

She shook her head, and grabbed a few of the same suit in different sizes, and added them to her own pile.

"It's almost time to go right?" she asked as they paid for the swimsuits.

Usopp nodded. "Yes. And hopefully Zoro and Sanji will be done by now and we won't have to sneak back onto the ship."

"Sweet," Sam smiled as they walked out. "You know I almost lost my balance when we were sneaking out of the porthole?"

"Ah, you see? That is a perfect reason to use my new invention...I call them Moon Shoes!"

A tall, lean silhouette leaned against a post on the dock, smoke billowing from his form. A stockier, more muscular silhouette sat with his back against another post, swords resting on the wood. Around both forms lay the moaning and groaning mass of bodies that were once the terrifying crowd.

"How many, shitty swordsman?"

A huff of released air from the stocky form. "209."

"Shit. Another tie," the lean form muttered, tossing down the stub of his cigarette and stomping it out. "Guess no one wins then."

A grunt from the other. "How much time we got left, cook?"

"Eh...fifteen minutes," the other said. "Perfect. We'll actually be able to leave on time." He headed back towards the ship, giving the swordsman a caring kick to the noggin. "Let's go, Marimo."

"Eh, whatever shitty cook."

As the Thousand Sunny began to sail away, a dark form watched the ship from the rubble of the fallen tower.

"Close," it muttered from the shadows. "So close...damn these townspeople for not getting anything right. Ah, it can't be helped."

A falcon cried out from above, and the form glanced up, arm held out to receive the bird. The animal received some comforting caresses from the knuckles of the form.

"Estrella," it murmured to the bird. "Keep an eye on our favorite pirates. Keep reporting in, with their locations."

The bird screeched, and with a great heaving movement, flung itself back into the sky, twirled higher and higher on a thermal, and then turned towards the sea, following after the pirate ship.


	8. Head Banging and Bonding

Chopper wasn't really sure what to make of his newest patient.

While initially very, very terrifying, the girl nick-named Cass had turned out to be a bit of a softie when it came to the furry doctor, and would almost always acquiesce to his request so long as she at least got a quick cuddle in. In the few days since they left the harbor, he had learned a great deal about her. She liked apples, sunlight, and had seemed to light up immensely when Sam had brought in a chess board that morning to keep them both busy. She refused to eat cauliflower, was bad tempered whenever Zoro made an appearance, and seemed to dislike it whenever Sanji walked in, smoke wafting around his head.

In this respect, she was a simple patient to read and understand.

Yet she was probably one of the worst patients (barring Zoro and Sanji) he'd ever treated.

"Does that hurt?" he asked, prodding her back.

A noncommittal shrug.

"Now?" A harder prod.

Again, a shrug.

Fighting the urge to rip out his horns, Chopper turned her head forcefully to face him, and gave her his best 'Doctor' look.

"If you do not honestly indicate whether or not something is hurting when I ask, I will take away cuddling privileges."

Cass looked askance.

"Now," Chopper said, poking her again. "Does that hurt?"

A nod, however reluctant.

"Okay," he sighed, finishing up his exam and helping her dress. "You're allowed to sit up, read, write, and eat. You're not allowed out of bed yet though."

She gestured emphatically outside at the brilliant blue sky, and abundant sunshine.

Chopper thought for a moment, stroking his chin thoughtfully. "Very well. But I carry you outside!" he added, growing into his Human-Reindeer form and gently picking her up. She wiggled in his arms, pointing down at a book.

"Oh, you want to take this too?"

She nodded.

Chopper picked up the book as well, and headed outside.

Luffy and Usopp were fishing over the side-railing, Robin was working in her garden, Zoro was napping on the grass, and Nami and Sam were practicing with their staffs.

Chopper placed Cass gently on the grass next to Zoro- it was both out of the way, and it gave her a good view of her comrade, which she seemed to appreciate. She settled in next to the swordsman, giving the sleeping man a measuring look before pulling out her book and beginning to read.

Satisfied that his patient would behave herself, Chopper left her and headed back to the infirmary, popping back to his chibi size before closing the door behind him.

He should probably change the sheets, take stock of his supplies, make up some more rumble balls-

"CHOPPER!"

The doctor let out a terrified squeak, and dived under his desk before he realized who had yelled his name so enthusiastically.

"Luffy?" he queried, peeking his head out from under the desk.

The straw-hat captain grinned down at his furry friend. "Yup. Wanna play hide and seek?"

Chopper drew himself up and out from under his desk, brushing himself off absentmindedly. "I'd love to Luffy, but I can't. I have to make more Rumble Balls, and write down Cass' patient information in my journal-"

"She's doin' better," Luffy pointed out, nodding.

"She is," Chopper agreed, turning away from his captain and beginning to riffle through his desk for his journal. "But..."

Luffy waited, head cocked as he watched the reindeer try to speak.

"She's doing better, but her back-"

"Oh, the whip lashes or the carving in her back?" Luffy asked.

Chopper's eyes widened, and then he looked furious. "I thought Zoro of all of you would-"

"Captain's orders," Luffy said almost lazily. "I have a right to know, right? She's a part of my crew, and her injuries can affect the rest of us if we get into a fight." He beamed again, cheekily this time. "Right?"

When did Luffy become so-

"Right, Chopper?"

Chopper considered, then nodded slowly. "I suppose so. But yes, she's healing well, fast even. Her fever is completely broken, and her lashes are almost fully healed. But that carving into her back...it's not healing like it should. It's clean and everything, and there's no fever in it, but it's not even attempting to heal or scab over. And the cutting goes very deep...parts of her spine are exposed, which is very dangerous." He found his journal, and began to flip through his observation notes.

Luffy was quiet for a moment, watching the little blue-nosed reindeer rustle around in his book. "So...what now Chopper?"

Chopper looked up from his book, a frown marring his cute face. "I don't know," he admitted, ears wiggling unhappily. "The only thing we can do is watch her and try to keep that part of her back covered and properly protected." He shook his head. "Luffy...I don't think those two are normal humans. Sam seems close, but she has almost no hair on her entire body, and she is finely tuned to body language as a whole, not just Cass'. And Cass...I'm fairly positive that she shouldn't even be able to walk, but she is, and she's healing faster than most other humans. Only Zoro and Sanji and you seem to heal faster."

"That's so cool!" Luffy crowed, wiggling and dancing around happily. "I got two new crew-members who aren't normal! I'm going to be Pirate King AND have the most awesome crew ever! YOSH!"

There was a crash from outside the room, quickly followed up by yelling, loud cursing, and the flurry and stomping of footsteps running on the wooden deck towards the disturbance.

"NOOO!" Chopper yelled, panicking at the noise and racing outside. "NO FIGHTING NO FIGHTING! DOCTOR'S ORDERS!"

The two combatants ignored him, and continued to swing, kick, grunt, growl, and generally fling themselves at each other.

Sanji had made his way out of the galley; a plate of snacks in hand for the ladies. He was currently looking back and forth between the combatants, worrying evident in his eye. "Ladies-"

Zoro snorted from his spot on the grass; behind Sanji and still keeping his eyes closed. "And you thought **I** was a troublemaker."

"This is not funny shithead!" the cook snapped. "Nami-swan and Cass-san should not be fighting!"

Where Nami and Sam had been practicing now stood Cass, who was currently trying to rip the thief's arms out while Sam blinked, dazed, from the deck.

"QUIT ATTACKING ME!" Nami bellowed, dodging beneath the other girl and scurrying up the mast, dropping her staff as she went.

Cass stood at the base of the mast, glaring up at Nami. Then, she snorted, and turned to her companion, offering Sam a hand up.

Zoro let out a bark of laughter when Sam took it, and then proceeded to beat the other woman upside the head- repeatedly.

"Why. Did. You. Attack. Nami?" Sam bellowed, whacking Cass upside her head with the staff.

Rapid gesturing from the other, then pointing up at the monkey-like navigator-

WHAP!

More rapid gesturing, though this was aimed at Sam, and most of the crew knew exactly what the other woman meant by it. Every sailor knew those hand signs.

"I. Am. Not. Completely. Helpless!" Sam raged, again hitting towards Cass, who had wised up enough to duck. "She. Did. Not. Mean. To. Knock. Me. Down!"

Cass was now on the defense, and trying to stay away from Sam's stick, which was beginning to swing more and more wildly. Desperate, Cass ran and ducked behind Zoro.

The swordsman turned to look back at her, a feral grin on his face. "Woman, what makes you think I'll let you stay back there? I'm not protecting you!"

Cass almost prat-fell, and then scrambled over to Sanji, who had a heart beginning to shine in his visible eye. "Cass-san! I'll protect you! You and Sam-chan shouldn't be fighting-"

Cass took him up on his offer, just as Sam swung.

Everyone, even Nami, winced as Sanji took the blow that was meant for Cass right in the groin.

"...Sam...chan..." he gasped, falling to the deck and curling in on himself. "W-why...?"

The bo-staff fell to the deck as Sam collapsed next to Sanji, and cradled his head in her arms as she began to wail. "I'm so sorry Sanji! I didn't mean to hit you!"

Cass meanwhile had slipped back over to Zoro, looking somewhat ashamed.

They both grimaced when Sam moved Sanji's head onto her chest, and hugged him harder.

The heart came back, and Sanji was smiling once more. "I...I feel so much better already Sam-chan..."

"I bet," Zoro muttered. Cass snickered through her nose, and headed back to her spot.

Only to be intercepted by Chopper.

"BED!" he bellowed, ignoring her angry movements. "NOW!"

* * *

"Usopp!" Zoro bellowed several hours later, coughing slightly from the smoke that wafted up his nose. "You got what Chopper ordered?"

"Neh, Zoro! You shouldn't sneak up on a working genius like that!" Usopp bellowed back, emerging from the smoke with his goggles on, soot covering his body, and a small patch of metal in his hand.

"Here ya go Zoro!" he crowed, shoving the piece into Zoro's hands. "For your lady friend!"

"She's not-"

"It'll protect her spine from everything short of a point blank shot from a canon," Usopp interrupted. "It'll stand up to water, even salt water, and won't retain heat. It's perfect!"

"Usopp-"

"Gotta get back to work. Tell Chopper that I made it to where it's removable in case he wants to work on her or for some reason that it needed to be removed," the sniper said before disappearing back into the smoke.

Zoro glared down at the patch of metal in his hands. It looked like an ordinary piece of metal. The idiot had spent hours working on a simple sheet of metal?

Whatever, Zoro thought has he walked back into the infirmary, letting out a grumbled curse when he was hit in the face with a pillow.

"Zoro! You should knock before coming in!" Chopper chided the swordsman, seemingly having missed the thrown pillow. "If I had been examining Cass-"

"Like it'd be stuff I haven't seen before," Zoro snorted, holding out the metal sheet to the doctor, and ignoring Cass' dark look. "Usopp said it's removable in case you have to work on her," he added, turning and heading out the door.

Chopper considered the sheet for a moment, then trotted over to Cass. "Turn over onto your stomach please," he directed.

She gave a huff of air, and did as he told her, flopping onto her belly and holding still when he tugged the bottom of her shirt up, exposing the mark.

"Why do you dislike Zoro so much?" Chopper asked as he gingerly placed the sheet on her back, poking and prodding here and there to make sure it was in the right area. "He saved you and your friend from slavery."

A whuff of air, and then she slid her arm out from under her and started gesturing.

"You feel like you owe him, and you're afraid he'll take advantage even though you don't think he's the type?" Chopper blinked. A nod from the girl, and she continued motioning.

"You also wish to control your feelings and are afraid of loosing said control?"

Another nod.

"Are you attracted to him, Cass?"

Wild gesturing, so wild it almost upset the doctor's perch on her back, and he had to hold her down.

"Easy, easy! Zeesh, hold on," he muttered, pulling out some thread and a needle, and beginning to sew the piece of metal into her back.

She took it rather well, holding still as he slowly attached the metal bit to her lower back, eventually covering her mark.

"There you go," he said when he finished, getting off of her and motioning for her to sit up.

She did so, looking a little sheepish.

"Does it feel like it's going to stay?" Chopper asked. "No real pain? Feels like a second skin? Good," he added when she nodded. "As to Zoro, he is a fine male human specimen, as far as humans go. It is not a bad thing for you to be attracted to him," he continued, ignoring the woman's deepening blush. "He has all the things that would make a good mate. Strength, endurance, and a brain, when he actually uses it. He also is fairly good with kids. Oh, do you feel feverish?" he asked, looking back at her and being shocked to see her red face. A quick series of gestures eased his worries, and he giggled as she stood, stretching carefully.

"Don't worry about Zoro, Cass," he said after a moment. "He's never shown an interest in either sex, so you're safe."

She offered the furry doctor a shaky smile, and turned to go. She halted at the door, obviously thinking.

Chopper let out an undignified squawk as she ran back over and started to cuddle with him, a happy smile on her face.

"I'M NOT HAPPY THAT I HELPED YOU YOU BASTARD!" he bellowed.

Cass chuckled silently, and cuddled him tighter.

* * *

_**Author Notes: Go, my little crack-fic, go! I posted this to celebrate getting into my university on time (don't ask, long story) and have less than a week before moving day. So this means that I probably won't update any of my stories for the time being (sorry!)**_

**_Shaping Bonsais is back on my burner, but as I stated in the previous statement, I might not be able to get around to posting for a bit. _**

**_This, Hiccups, is my crack baby of a fic. If I can keep at it, it will be epic. I wish to thank my friend (you know who you are) for encouraging(threatening) me to try this out and post it. It's not my most popular fic, but the comments I get from everyone is...uplifting, even if this is sort of crack. I have always hated reading about OC's becoming the main focus of a work of fan fiction. So, in a way, yes, I'm being a hypocrite. But this is also my attempt at showing how an OC should be handled in works of fan fiction. These first few chapters are OC heavy, but it makes sense that it should be. The Straw Hats are friendly, if a curious bunch, Cass has a few odd medical problems, and Sam has no hair. A few more chapters focusing on those two before we smooth it all out and actually start on the ADVENTURE (*holds off Luffy*)_**

**_I appreciate comments and critiques, and welcome them, whether positive or negative. After all, I wish to better my writing, and what better way to do that than to present my work to my internet peers?_**

**_As per usual with my fics, I will probably not respond to questions in the reviews. This is for my own good, as I tend to babble and ramble when given half a chance, and I don't want to give anything away. So even if my end is for the most part silent, I *AM* reading the reviews, and cherishing them._**


	9. Cooking and Training Sort of

The cook had heard many sayings in his relatively short life. Some were good, and others were horrible. One that he believed in though was that your kitchen was your kingdom.

So, Prince Sanji had and always would reign supreme in the galley of the Thousand Sunny. While he refused to have any of the shitheads in the kitchen with him for a prolonged period that was not during meals, he had no problem letting the ladies come and go as they pleased.

Hence the current situation where Sam was perched on the table, watching him work his magic on today's lunch; lobster, steamed vegetables, and crab legs.

Sanji had welcomed her into the galley earlier with a bow, proclamations of her beauty and grace, and offering her anything in his kitchen and the moon should she want it. She had politely declined, and had started to watch him work.

"Do you like cooking, Sam-chan?"

The bald girl nodded. "Yup. I used to do the cooking back home. I wasn't as good as you of course, but I did pretty well I think. Oh, Sanji?"

"Yes, Mellorine?"

"How did you stay in business at your floating restaurant?"

Sanji turned back to her, halting in his work and blinking his single visible eye at her. "How did you know about the Baratie?"

He watched her blink for a long moment.

"They talked about you on the ship we fell on. The cooks praised such a place."

She played the same game as Robin-chan did, Sanji noted silently. A little truth mixed with mystery, and taking a nearly imperceptible beat to answer a question. She was holding something back, not telling everything there was to tell.

He mentally shrugged, and moved on.

"Why do you ask?"

She shifted a little, looking wary. "Um...well, it's kinda nasty for you to smoke when you prepare our food. I know Cass doesn't appreciate it."

He stopped, and blinked again, thinking for a moment. "You...you two aren't comfortable-"

"It's not that we doubt your skill or anything!" Sam interrupted, waving her hands frantically. "It's just...not sanitary, you know? In our world, you would have been fired or the Baratie would have been shut down for health code violations."

Sanji moved his cigarette around in his mouth for a moment as he thought.

His first inclination was to swear the things off for the rest of his natural life to make the ladies happy. His biological inclination was to keep smoking like a chimney on Coal Mine Island, damn the consequences of anything and everything.

"You don't have to quit," Sam said consolingly, bringing Sanji out of his thoughts. "Maybe just...put it down while you make and serve our food? That's not too much to ask, is it?"

Game set, match, and won.

"Yes, of course Sam-chan! I'll do so right away!" he chirped, pulling out a simple bowl, and setting his still smoldering stub in it. His mouth felt funny without the stick in it, he thought mournfully as he went back to work, Sam sliding off the table to watch him closer. He didn't mind. She wasn't Shit-Head #1, who usually stormed in here after working out and smelling horrible to try to smuggle some rum out of the storage room for consumption later. She was Sam-chan, and she smelled quite nice, like blossoming bluebells on a young Spring morn-

"You're using too much parsley."

If it had been any other crew member that was not female, Sanji would have kicked the fuckers out.

He did not treat ladies that way though.

"I'm sorry, Sam-chan? What?"

"You're using too much parsley, Sanji," she repeated, giving him a stern look. "You only use a little bit, maybe a pinch or two, to season the lobster."

"Forgive me Sam-chan, but no," Sanji replied, working the spice throughout the dish.

"But it's true!" Sam-chan exploded, surprising Sanji and sounding exasperated. "You're only supposed to-"

He remembered why he smoked whenever and wherever he went; it usually helped to keep his mouth shut on certain things.

"Sam-chan, with all due respect, this is my galley, and as such, I decide what goes on each dish."

_Oh, forgive me Mellorine_, he thought desperately.

She blinked wide blue eyes up at him, and then started to _laugh_.

"Sam-chan, what's-"

"Sorry Sanji, but the look on your face is just priceless," she giggled, and went back to the table, reclaiming her perch and watching him once more. "Sorry Sanji, I'm just so used to cooking that having someone else do it for me is...odd. Forgive _me_ for trying to boss you around in your own kitchen."

"Oh Sam-chan! You're as gracious as always!" he cooed, eye lighting up in a heart once more. "I do appreciate your advice-"

"Cut the crap Sanji and get cookin'. Unless you want a cranky Cass on your hands."

He obeyed her, happily.

* * *

Sam was playing hide and seek with Cass. The only problem was she didn't want to play the game, but due to her inability to find her friend, it seemed she was playing it whether she liked it or not.

She wandered to the Infirmary, and sought out Chopper.

"Hey Chopper? You know where Cass is?"

The furry doctor looked up from his writings, and shook his head. "I haven't seen her since lunch. Sorry Sam but AAAHHH!"

He had screamed because Sam just couldn't resist anymore and had glomped him, hugging the reindeer tightly against her and smiling happily.

"Put me down! Please."

"You're so cute and fuzzy though," she sighed.

"Sam, I have work to do," he said sternly.

"Oh, fine," she sighed, and gently returned him to his chair. "So no idea where Cass would be, huh?"

"Did you ask Robin?" Chopper said after a moment of thought. "She usually knows everything that goes on on the ship."

She found Robin in the library, pouring over a large tome that seemed on the verge of collapsing into dust.

"I believe your friend and Swordsman-san were arguing near the Men's quarters," Robin replied after Sam's question. "How he could understand her enough to carry on such an argument is still beyond me at the moment..."

Sam ran the whole way to the Men's Quarters.

She found Zoro and her friend just in the hallway, faces inches apart, teeth bared, and gesticulating wildly. Sam halted before them, taking a moment to catch her breath as her friend and the swordsman continued their fighting.

"You WILL do that, or you will be kicked off because you won't be pulling your own weight," Zoro growled, poking Cass in the shoulder to emphasize his point.

Cass' teeth snapped where Zoro's fingers were just a beat before, and Zoro began to curse. "Woman! What the hell is with you and biting me?"

Rapid gesturing, and then a slicing motion with her hand.

"Whatever. You will do it my way, or you won't do it at all," he said, crossing his arms over his chest and his features calming into a stoic mask.

Cass gave him the bird.

"What's her problem?" he asked Sam.

Sam sighed, rubbing her chest slightly. It was getting chilly outside- they were near an Autumn Island probably.

"She's not a morning person."

"I don't give a flying monkey shit," Zoro droned. "We'll be training with the cook, which means we get up at dawn to go along with his exercises."

Cass gestured again, though this time she almost seemed to be pleading.

"She warns you that it's your fault then if she's grumpy and or hurts you because of said grumpiness," Sam translated.

"Yeah, kinda figured that," Zoro muttered. "Like you could hurt me, Woman. OY!" He yelped, having received a whack on the head from Cass. "Why you-"

Sam watched the resulting argument with both amusement and anger. It was fascinating to watch the pair fight like this. Zoro seemed to somehow have grasped a basic understanding of Cass' language even though it had only been a week since they left the slave town. Maybe it was because he could 'hear' swords. Or maybe it was because he didn't talk much, and understood silence much better than most men.

Or maybe it was because he had been fighting and arguing with Cass over the smallest things almost as much as he and Sanji fought. Who sat where at the dinner table (Cass liked to move around; Zoro was particular to a certain spot), who worked out with the weights (Cass normally only used the smaller ones, but Zoro apparently needed ALL of them to work out), or even the latest argument: who was going to do the crew's laundry that day. Cass, for some odd reason, seemed offended by the idea of the swordsman touching anything that was hers. That situation had resolved itself when Luffy had offered to do the laundry instead, and Cass had wandered off, intent on cleaning her own things for herself. Yet while the petty arguements and fights happened regularly, at least they weren't as epic as a fight between Zoro and Sanji.

That didn't make it any less annoying however.

Though in Zoro's defense, Cass usually started it, Sam thought wearily when Zoro almost lost a finger when Cass tried to bite him again.

"Enough," she sighed.

She was ignored.

The bald girl sighed, bowing her head as she carefully drew the sleeves of her light jacket back over her elbows. She looked back up, made her fingers crack, and then grasped both combatants by their hair, and smacked their heads together.

"YEOWCH!"

They both turned to glare at her, only to meet a glare in return. Their haughty gazes faltered under Sam's 'don't fuck with me you idiots you'll just get hurt and embarrassed' look.

"Cass, you and me will get up early every morning to train with both Zoro and Sanji. Zoro, you shouldn't egg Cass on. She wanted to be a barrister before a teacher, and she retains her skills in arguing and blackmail, and it doesn't help that she loves arguing. So it's not worth the time and effort.

"Now, apologize to each other and shake hands."

The brown haired girl glared up at the green haired man, and dark eyes met dark eyes. Simultaneously, they both reached forward, and grasped the others' hand- forcefully, trying to make the other wince or give any sign of discomfort.

"Quit it!" Sam barked.

They both let go, giving the other measuring looks.

"Cass, c'mon. Let's go play or something. You like hide and seek right?" Sam said cheerfully, dragging her friend away from the swordsman. "C'mon. You'll have to deal with him in the morning."

Zoro watched the pair walk off, and then glanced down at his hand.

His normally tan hand was a few shades darker where she had tried to crush his hand in her own.

He smirked. "Well, least she shakes better than the cook."

* * *

Dawn. The Thousand Sunny bobbed along in the current of the ocean gently, her crew slumbering peacefully in the warmth of their rooms.

Save for one.

Sam was wandering down the girl's corridor, intent on dragging her friend out to meet Zoro and Sanji at the required time. She was holding onto a smidgeon of hope that she would find her friend outside her door, waiting.

No such luck.

She entered with a sigh, and took a moment to examine Cass' new room.

Sam had enjoyed the furniture that came with her room, and had rearranged and painted everything to her hearts' content. She had flowers that Luffy and Chopper had picked for her in a small jar on her dresser, and had several canvases locked away in her drawer for future use. She had made her bed that morning, and had left her book ("Cooking with Chef G'arleek") on her bed to return to later in the day.

Cass' room was...off. Odd.

The bed had been unbolted, and then shoved against the wall where it was now bolted. Cass' dresser held a simple looking green rock that shined in the dim light. Two of her canvases were out and had the tentative marks of a pencil on them. Her books were still in their bags on top of the bed, and a small pile of blankets on the floor marked where her friend slumbered on, completely dead to the world.

Lazy bitch, Sam thought and stalked over to Cass, taking a moment to look strategically over her, and then proceeded to bend down, and tickle her awake. It was the oddest thing she had seen in her life. Cass awoke with a start, and was wheezing and gasping. It was sad that she wasn't laughing like she used to- when she could.

"C'mon shitty swordsman," Sam smirked down at her once she had stopped her assault. "We have a secret scandalous rendezvous with two hunky guys to watch the sunrise."

Cass glared at Sam, yawned, and made a motion with her hand.

"What do you mean, leave? I'm not leaving until- oh. You need to dress? Sorry," Sam said sheepishly, leaving her friend in her room to dress.

Dawn broke just as Sam pushed Cass up the last stairs to the deck.

"Good morning, Sam-chan. Cass-san," Sanji said cheerfully as he was bent over backwards, one leg straight up in the air while his face was nearly kissing the ankle of his other. "So glad you decided to join us."

"Mornin'," Zoro said, doing a much easier looking stretch. "Get going."

"Don't talk to the ladies like that shit-head!" Sanji snapped. "You should be grateful they decided to grace us-"

"It's okay Sanji," Sam said as she cricked her neck. "We need to learn how to fight so we won't just get in the way. I'm shocked we haven't been attacked yet since we joined up with you. We've been lucky."

Cass was watching Zoro, and with a smirk, began to mimic his deep horse stance. Eyebrow cocked, Zoro stayed put for a few minutes.

"You've done this before," he stated when she stayed put, not wobbling or shaking.

"She took a few martial arts classes over her life," Sam offered, shaking in her own horse stance. "What's the point of this again?"

"It helps build up the leg muscles, and is the base of most stances and katas," Zoro droned, and then slowly moved into a one-legged stance; one leg was straight out, and he held his hands up. Cass mimicked him, as did Sam. Sanji continued to do his own thing.

"Your turn, aho-cook," Zoro said after a moment of balancing.

Sanji smiled when both girls turned to him. "Okay, let's sit down and try to reach our toes."

They all did so, and Sam had to fight the urge to kill Cass, who had begin to snicker at her attempts to touch her toes.

"Hey, not all of us had the time to take Yoga classes!" she finally snapped, which caused the other girl to hold onto her sides as she laughed silently.

"She is fairly flexible for not having much training," Sanji murmured. "But if you keep practicing Sam-chan, you can reach her level easily. You just have to keep at it."

"Easy for you to say, Mr. Putty," Sam grumbled.

She felt better as they moved through Sanji's exercises (simplified in some forms for the girls) and she was better at some of the forms than Cass was.

"Everyone has good days and bad days," Sanji said when Sam had busted up laughing when Cass lost her balance and landed on her ass. The cook offered the other girl a hand up, which she took after a moment, wincing slightly.

The sun had appeared fully on the horizon when Sanji's training had finished up, and he bid the ladies goodbye and headed for the kitchen to prepare breakfast.

"Can I help?" Sam asked, trotting after him. "I can cut stuff or something."

"As you wish Sam-chan!" he swooned.

"Idiot," Zoro grumbled, watching the cook go. Cass snorted in agreement.

"You got your stick?"

She shook her head, and motioned back behind her.

"Left it in your room?"

A nod.

"You're going to talk to Usopp late about making you a belt or harness so you carry it with you everywhere. Got it?"

Another nod.

"Now...have you ever messed around with weapons?"

The girl winced, and shook her head, making a side-to-side motion with her hand.

"Just in play?"

A nod.

"Okay, let's get started on the very easy basics then. Stances first, sparring later. Now, go into a deep horse stance..."

* * *

**_A/N: Decided to upload this bit now instead of later. Still working on the Arc for this, guh. A word of advice to anyone going to college...papers suck, even when you're an English major._**

**_For the mentioned stances above, there is a fancy name for the Horse Stance, but I can't remember it. It is, however, a basic stance that a lot of martial arts start their pupils out in; it builds up leg muscles, and it is one of the foundation stances for moves you do in katas. You spread your feet to double shoulder length apart, and bend at the knees. And you hold it for as long as you can._**

**_Sanji's opening pose where he's bent over backwards is inspired by a piece of fanart on deviantart .com/art/Yoga-119716118 It boggles the mind, it does. _**

**_Next chapter: Pirate stories from our world! XD_**


End file.
